First Surgery

 March 12

This was the day. Double mastectomy. Not one that I was looking forward to, but I felt like if I could get through this big surgery, everything else would fall into place. I'm writing this post several weeks later, so I'm having to look back and remember. I do remember feeling that this would be it. Have the surgery, move forward with reconstruction, be back to playing pickleball and going to the gym by May. You didn't quite work out that way though. 

The surgery was long. I remember when I first started coming out of the anesthesia, even before I was fully awake the first thing I felt was searing pain, especially on the left side. I had been told that they were going to use a nerve block, which was helping immensely with the pain for most of the patients. Many of them come home without pain meds, just basic ibuprofen and Tylenol. Well... That was not the case for me as the nerve block did not work. 

I was given lortab which usually helps me. Over the course of the next week, I found that it would work well for about 3 hours and then would wear off. Boat was advised not to take it more than every 6 hours. So I would find some relief, it would wear off, then I would suffer for the next 3 hours until it was time for a new dose. Pretty miserable. One of the things that was the worst to deal with were the surgical drains that were inserted into my sides just over my rib cage. It was a drainage tube inserted just below where my ribs start, and the tube was fed all the way up my rib cage to my armpit area on each side. At the other end of the tube was a collection bulb that had to be emptied every few hours in the beginning, then every 6 hours after that. After the bulb is emptied, it would be squeezed and then capped so that it created a section. After every emptying, the suction felt like it was pulling all the way from the armpit down my side in a sharp, painful spasm. I will admit I experienced a little bit of trauma every time I had to empty those things out because it was such a sharp stinging pain and took several minutes to calm down. 

Sleeping was almost impossible those first few nights. I stayed overnight for one night at the hospital and nurses kept coming in every hour to check on me, check my incisions, check the drains. I understand why they have to, but man it was intrusive. Poor Jim stayed the whole night with me and had to be woken up every hour as well. I was so grateful to have him there though! 

When we got home the next day, I found the most difficult to ask used to be the easiest ones. Getting in and out of the car, standing up and sitting down, and I couldn't raise my arms more than a few feet in front of me - certainly not to shoulder length. At the hospital I used a reclining bed anytime I needed to sit up and get up. After removing my breasts, the muscles in my chest were sore and angry anytime I tried to contract. Because of the bandages and such I was told not to take a shower for 72 hours. By the end of that 72-hour period I was certainly feeling grimy. I couldn't do a thing on my own in the shower though and had to have Jim help me every step of the way. He washed my hair and I remember standing there and just crying because I felt so broken, the drains were hanging off my body with a lanyard around my neck and everything just looked and felt so uncomfortable and painful! The incisions were still covered with a long stery strip, but they were still there and sticking out. I also developed a fluid filled pocket in my right armpit. For lymph nodes had been removed and the surgical drain was not draining all of the lymph fluid. That became very painful. I remember how prickly and sensitive the skin in my armpits were. Hypersensitive from the nerves being cut. They tried to do a nerve reconstruction which should help me regain some sensitivity in my breasts. Currently, they're still very numb to the touch, although I feel pressure on my ribcage. As of now the hypersensitivity has calmed down quite a bit and it feels mostly normal in the armpits, other than numbness on the right side so I have to be careful when shaving. Also I was very hypersensitive to any touch around the edges of my breasts.

Night times were pretty bad those first three or four days. I learned quickly that I had to sleep propped up or I wouldn't be able to get up. Laying flat created a lot of pressure on my chest area even though there wasn't much there. The expanders were in and had been filled with 100 cc sailing to give me a small amount of shape. They placed the expanders just under my skin so it's very easy to feel the bags and the edges feel a little rough to the touch. You can definitely tell where the bags are. I'm definitely a side sleeper so adjusting to staying propped, and on my back all night was really hard. I tried to partially roll on my side but every movement hurts so bad and the pressure from my armpit and even the pillows or mattress on the side of my chest was too much. I tried easing off the narcotics quickly but wished I would have stayed on them At least through that first week because without them, regular Tylenol or ibuprofen just wasn't enough and I was in a lot of pain. Cancer isn't fun. But my body is strong and after I got through those first two weeks things were starting to get better. I went for a post office appointment one week after my surgery, and they removed the surgical drains. She didn't give me anything to numb and I had taken some ibuprofen, but when she pulled the drain out of my right side, I felt searing pain go all the way down as she pulled the tube out. This was in Dr Jensen's office with his assistant. She was very surprised at that reaction and said she'd never had anyone react that way. I failed immense relief as soon as the tube was out, but still felt lingering pain all down my side where it had been. When she removed the one on the left side it only felt like minor pulling but there was no actual pain from it being removed. 

Having the drains out in a huge difference in how I felt. I no longer was encumbered with these fluid collecting bulbs attached by tubes into my rib cage. Sharing was still difficult because I still couldn't raise my arms up all the way but slowly I started getting movement back. I had gone to a physical therapy appointment before the surgery and he taught me some stretches and moves that I could do. I've tried really hard the last few years to get into shape and get stronger. I know this has helped my recovery go quicker even though it certainly didn't feel like it for those first few weeks! I felt like I had a major setback and that it would take forever to get back to where I was. It was depressing because I had felt like physically I was finally the size I was comfortable with, and was enjoying being active and feeling strong. But I stayed positive and remembered how I was able with some work to bounce back after pregnancies, especially the first few. And I knew that if I stayed positive and worked at it I could come back from this, too. 

*Written on May 1